“Can you be a good feminist if you have intimate engagements with partners who have diametrically opposed gender politics?
“How do we change this thinking in our communities that a woman’s behavior is responsible for pushing a man over the edge? That she can ever do something to deserve to be beaten to a pulp? That a man has a right to a violent response simply because he doesn’t like the way he’s being talked to or treated? That violence is a legitimate response to being mistreated? That any policy other than non-violence (on all sides) is good for relationships? That men are out-of-control beings around whom we must tread on eggshells?
And if I ask my students to question their assumptions and to demand better treatment in their relationships, then what kinds of things must I demand in mine? And does that standard apply to all relationships, romantic and platonic?
Can you be a good feminist if you have intimate engagements with partners who have diametrically opposed gender politics?”
She was concerned about what she believed might be the questionable politics of a lover/homie/friend who supported Chris Brown’s outrageous, unconscionable and violent behavior on the set of Good Morning America [I refuse to feed this man’s ego by linking to it here. You know where Google is]:
“In a post last year, I lamented the fact that I was meeting men who were rarely physically interested in me and who were always and only intrigued by my mind. Now I’ve met someone worthy of genuine interest, and my brain and my politics are getting in the way again. But while last time, I was concerned that my brain occupied too much space in my romantic encounters, this time around I’m afraid to check it at the door…
I mean should I withhold sex from dudes with sexist attitudes as an act of solidarity with my sisters?…
You know why it takes so long? Because sometimes this work is like touching an open wound. You can do it. You can even take pleasure in doing it. But it will still bleed. It may become infected if you aren’t careful. And it will always hurt.
There is pleasure in pain. And there is satisfication in knowing that you are alive enough to bleed, to hurt. But still….
Love to those who are trying to make it (and those recently over): @ImaniCheers, @AndreaWatson, @divafeminist, @UriMcMillan, @DianaHill, @Puff, @MoyaZB, @MDotWrites